11 Comments

The Most Dangerous Game

There was a game I played often. It was the game of “What if…”

“What if…” is a simple game and depending on the prize you seek, it can be fun and rewarding. But if love is the prize you seek, “What if…” is the most dangerous of games.

I used to play “What if…” in high school, looking out my bedroom window, down the street at the house of the boy I thought I loved. I had many variations of this particular game. One went something like this:

  • What if I were to walk by His house with my tall, good looking guy friend? The fact that my tall, good looking guy friend lived far away and probably would not want to play “What if…” with me, was only a minor set back.
  • What if He happened to be going to his car as we walked by and He noticed me with my tall, really cute guy friend?
  • What if He wondered what such a cute guy saw in me? That would get him thinking about me.
  • What if He saw me in school the next day, and decided to talk to me because He’d noticed me with the cute guy the day before?

That’s all it took to set me off. Once He noticed me and asked me out (of course I’d say yes), our destinies would entwine together. He would be totally smitten by my…  (I was never sure what I had for him to be smitten by, but there had to be something). And we would fall in love. Rather, he would fall in love; I was already. Our love would be as pure as snow before it’s visited by a dog. We’d only have eyes for each other. I’d never have to be jealous, because He‘d never have the desire to look at another girl.

We’d never fight because we’d be so deeply connected, we’d never disagree about anything. We’d have the perfect engagement; the perfect wedding and the perfect children (they would sleep all night from the day they were born). He would adore me, just as I adored him. Our life together would be blissful perfection. Forever.

But first I needed to  figure out the correct strategy of this particular game of “What if…” before I could win the prize of love.

My friends played “What if…” too, because young women are especially adept at the game. Some of my friends won the game and found their destiny with their true love. Unfortunately, it was never quite what they expected and they found themselves playing “What if…” again, trying to find that elusive variation that led to blissful perfection. A few of them never out grew the game.

Here’s the secret about “What If…” It’s like a carnival game that beckons with the promise of fun and lights and prizes. It looks irresistibly easy. But it’s almost impossible to win.

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11 comments on “The Most Dangerous Game

  1. From a guys perspective games are not what we play. IF you had your tall good liking guy AND you strolled down next to boy A’s house AND he was walking out AND he saw you. So what. He would have thought, Hey, she has a new squeeze, thats cool, I wonder if he can play basketball or football or whatever. Men are chasers, not keepers, we excell in chasing what we want, and horrible at keeping that which we catch. So the thrill is gone (As BB King would wail) once it was over. And from a guys point of view, seeing you with him wouldnt matter much unless he was really interested in you, and that would be settled rather quickly between the two of them, as it makes no sense to chase something that doesnt want to be chased. The illusion of a girl being with another guy is all it takes to turn a mans interest in looking, no, seeking another woman to chase.

    So, women play mind games, guys play real games, and therein lies the great rift. Its the girls that chase men that are dangerous, since they have advanatges over men when it comes to gamemanship, men never advance thier skills past You hit me, I hit you, who hits harder, game over.

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    • That’s why “what if…” is so dangerous for women. Women project how guys will react to various scenarios and base their actions (sometimes their lives) on a game of chance that has no possibility of succeeding.

      I always thought that men wanted what they couldn’t have (a variation on chase) so they would be more interested in taking a woman away from another man than finding a new woman to chase.

      If men are chasers not keepers, how does a long term relationship (love) fit in?

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      • You asked how does a long term relationship fit in.

        Work

        Lots of work and the acceptence that life is meaningless without someone to share it with. I had an uncle i was named for, he was a playboy his whole life. Every month it was a new GF. When i was a teen, when i started to know about men and women and relationships, he wouled visit my dad most every weekend during the summer and this one time he came up with his newest GF, he introduced her to my dad as “Hey honey, what is your name again?” I chit you not.
        He died with one, but he died alone. It takes work to keep the two paths of two individuals from starying too far apart and that is how to stay committed and happy.

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  2. i didn’t play “What if” but I did day dream. None of them came true but they were powerful at the time. I hope some of your “What Ifs” did.

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    • I tried to stop playing “what if” because it’s a futile game and it closed my mind to other possibilities. Having dreams and setting goals is different than playing “what if”, because “what if” is much more limiting.

      So much in my life has turned out better than anything I could have planned playing “what if”.

      And I think with love, “what if” is disastrous.

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  3. So far it’s only guys commenting, that ‘s interesting.

    I have to agree with the rest of the posts, Back in high school (and still now) I didn’t play “what if …” and I don’t think any the guys I hung around with did either. I’ll tell you what we did play, we played “how do i …”

    There also seemed to be a division between the guys that would try stuff (stuff they got by asking “how do I …”) and the guys that wouldn’t try stuff. The guys that would try stuff failed a lot, but still had some success. The guys that wouldn’t try stuff never failed, but never had a chance to succeed either. I didn’t know the saying back then but it sure rang true the first time I heard it – “Fortune favors the bold”

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    • I think “how do I…” is the pragmatic version of “what if…”

      “Fortune favors the bold” goes hand and hand with Larry’s comment that “women who chase men are dangerous”.

      It’s an interesting difference between the sexes.

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  4. Sometimes I wonder if love isn’t just a game. We play games to get attention, we play games to hold attention and we play games to make it work. Why is it all so complicated? Why can’t we just walk up to someone we like and ask them out?

    This is where one of the great divides between men and women comes up, I think. Men usually ask a girl out but women rarely ask a man out. Perhaps, this is not true in the West but in India, at least, women wait their whole lives for the object of their affection to notice them. Meanwhile, games are played. All the girlfriends get together and plot ways in which to get the prospective couple to interact, the girl puts on a fashion show to ensure that she is at her sexiest at every possible meeting, perhaps a show to make the guy jealous, and so on. It is so tiring.

    Isn’t it simpler to walk up to the guy and ask him if he would like to go out for a drink or a cup of coffee as opposed to playing all these games and tricks and wasting so much time and energy? So why dont women do it? On the whole, why are women so much more insecure than men are when it comes to this area?

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    • The million dollar question is “why is it so complicated?” I think that’s the point even with your post on addiction vs. passion. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and will tie everything I’ve been leading up to with a bow (or knot) with my next post.

      Wish me luck and thanks for the comment. You always give me something to think about 🙂

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      • I look forward to reading the final post in this series.

        Lots of luck. Hugs.

        Also, I was wondering if I could email you the details of this very interesting writing opportunity which has come my way. Would you be interested? You can get the details and then take a call on it? Do let me know. Thanks.

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      • You can send me a personal email about the writing opportunity (dawne.webber@gmail.com).
        Sounds intriguing…

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